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Oct 1

My Post-College Job Search, as Told Through Grand Theft Auto Mission Titles


An excerpt from my forthcoming memoir on love, loss and prostitution mini-games. Read it on The Bygone Bureau.

Sep 28

In Bocca all’Uomo

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Sep 24

Miley Cyrus Invented Jazz, Discovered Pizza And Wrote The Better Seasons Of ‘The Wire’


Wow! Check out these crazy punk factz I discovered about legendary hardcore act Miley Cyrus. Up today on Thought Catalog.

Sep 17

What to Say About Miss America If You’re Human Garbage


Good news, disgusting bigots! I wrote your next six Miss America tweets. Check it out on Thought Catalog.

Sep 16

Franzen Gripe or YouTube Comment About Saggy Pants?


Is Jonathan Franzen a plagiarist? Take my new quiz and find out!

Sep 14

The 8 Most Bizarre Celebrity Videogame Pitchmen


My latest for Dorkly, guest-starring Bryan Cranston, ODB and Pac-Man

Aug 21

The Real Mindset List for the Class of 2017


My meticulously researched, 100% accurate update of Beloit College’s annual “Mindset List,” up today on Thought Catalog

Aug 15

Other Resorts Owned and Operated by Papa Roach

  • Club Bled
  • Gnaw Valley
  • Mutilated Turtle Bay
  • No Avail Mountain
  • Ratlantis
  • Papa Roach’s Penultimate Resort
  • Sandals
Aug 10

The 35 Funniest Facebook Posts by People Who Thought the Onion Was Real


I compiled Literally Unbelievable’s best posts for Thought Catalog, check it out

Aug 9

11 Terrible Videogames Worth More Than Your First Car


My essential guide to $3000 doorstops, up today on Dorkly