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Oct 1

My Post-College Job Search, as Told Through Grand Theft Auto Mission Titles

An excerpt from my forthcoming memoir on love, loss and prostitution mini-games. Read it on The Bygone Bureau.

Sep 28

In Bocca all’Uomo



Sep 24

Miley Cyrus Invented Jazz, Discovered Pizza And Wrote The Better Seasons Of ‘The Wire’

Wow! Check out these crazy punk factz I discovered about legendary hardcore act Miley Cyrus. Up today on Thought Catalog.

Sep 17

What to Say About Miss America If You’re Human Garbage

Good news, disgusting bigots! I wrote your next six Miss America tweets. Check it out on Thought Catalog.

Sep 16

Franzen Gripe or YouTube Comment About Saggy Pants?

Is Jonathan Franzen a plagiarist? Take my new quiz and find out!

Sep 14

The 8 Most Bizarre Celebrity Videogame Pitchmen

My latest for Dorkly, guest-starring Bryan Cranston, ODB and Pac-Man

Aug 21

The Real Mindset List for the Class of 2017

My meticulously researched, 100% accurate update of Beloit College’s annual “Mindset List,” up today on Thought Catalog

Aug 15

Other Resorts Owned and Operated by Papa Roach

  • Club Bled
  • Gnaw Valley
  • Mutilated Turtle Bay
  • No Avail Mountain
  • Ratlantis
  • Papa Roach’s Penultimate Resort
  • Sandals
Aug 10

The 35 Funniest Facebook Posts by People Who Thought the Onion Was Real

I compiled Literally Unbelievable’s best posts for Thought Catalog, check it out

Aug 9

11 Terrible Videogames Worth More Than Your First Car

My essential guide to $3000 doorstops, up today on Dorkly