A Supposedly Fun Thing I’m Not Sure Why I Made

Which Four Loko does your meal pair best with? Simply ask The Four Loko Sommelier.

Because I wish to and am not easily pinned (my leg-wrestling skills are famed),  today I begin a strange and unwieldy new project I’m calling Stuck.  Two (admittedly yucky) terms that I’m using to describe it are “a geographic novel” and “a physical microblog.” It will be composed of short passages, 250-characters each, embedded in 2D barcodes placed around Eugene for readers to scan and decode with their smartphones.

While each of these “chapters” are perfectly enjoyable on their own, intrepid readers can use the coordinates found on this map and Stuck‘s twitter account to visit them in a sequence of their choosing, effectively authoring a new text in the process. And if all that sounds overly technical, you can also just read the whole thing like a human might, as it’s released, here.

My latest humor, up today on The Bygone Bureau

“Dogs can be worried and pessimistic just like people, researchers report in a new study in Current Biology.” -The New York Times

Tuesday, 28th September 2010
For first time since I can remember, Owner took me to park. Was sure he had forgotten I existed, not that anyone could blame him– looking in my water dish even I mistake myself for an old blanket sometimes. My tail was wagging like I couldn’t believe until we got there and I saw all the other dogs. Instead of wanting to play I just felt sorry for all of them. Didn’t they see how senseless it all was, chasing balls that would just get thrown again when returned? Let Owner get the ball this time, laid down to nap. Had the Hunted-by-Cats dream again.

Thursday, 30th September 2010
Tried to run a few laps around the yard to get out of my funk, became winded after ten minutes. “Did you mean dog obedience?” asks search engine when looking for information on ‘dog obesity.’ No sir. Not this dog.

Monday, 4th October 2010
Barely got off cushion today, couldn’t see the point.

Tuesday, 5th October 2010
Couldn’t sleep at all last night. Barked with all the neighborhood regulars until, one by one, their owners called them all in and I realized I was barking to myself. Was up all night wondering, was this the first time, or had this been happening and I just never noticed before? To paraphrase- if you bay long into an abyss, the abyss also bays unto you. Reminder to self: the dish is half full.

Friday, 8th October 2010
Response to self: yes, but half full of what exactly? Before eating today I remembered the pet food recall. Did Owner read the full recall list? Owner hardly reads at all, so unless it was on ESPN, chances are no. I checked myself for symptoms of poisoning, noted dull coat, lethargy, loss of appetite, started freaking out. Owner mistook anxiety tremor for chills, thrust me in Snuggie for Dogs. Humiliated.

Sunday, 10th October 2010
Sometimes I wonder if I’m the only one who feels this way. The dogs on the commercials are always so happy to see the owners, content to wait all day for their beloved master to come home, and then they’re all jumps and yips and sloppy tongues. Is that enough for them, every day the same stupid waiting game? Today I tried to make an effort for Owner, fake it until it felt real. But after yelping and leaping until every bone ached, all he did was pat my head and nod, without so much as looking at me. I was so discouraged I crumpled immediately onto my cushion, passed out instantly. Slumber offers no respite from the cats.

My latest humor, featured today on The Morning News

My latest humor, up today on The Bygone Bureau.

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October is almost over, which means another National Awareness Awareness Month is wrapping up. Following is information to become acquainted with while there is still time:

• Today Splitsider.com posted an interview with some character named Hudson Hongo and humorists Mike Sacks, Rob Kutner and Scott Jacobson.
• Also this month was Your Super-Trout: An Operator’s Guide, a piece I wrote for the Barnes & Noble Nook
• Soon I’ll have some new stuff out on The Morning News and The Bygone Bureau, until then use this playlist to remain calm but alert.