The Foundation Responds
Thank you for your kind letter,
It is so rarely that The Foundation is on the end of getting gotten one that makes good use of politeness, even as careful as The Foundation is to write with positivity. Uncommon is the received letter that does not end with “you b*st*rds,” “rot in h*ll” or other such rudeness. It is silly really, what good would it do anyone to have The Foundation rotting in h*ll? Very little. None. How could The Foundation “award a chosen Fouled with the gene therapy necessary to normalize” each year? It couldn’t. It could not.
And how does The Foundation respond to this abuse? With love, love always, and hope! “Sorry you feel so slighted,” The Foundation writes, “better luck next year, think of this reply as big warm hug, unless, of course, you are one of The Fouled with no arms, if so then think of it as an encouraging pat on the head.” It is hard to love The Fouled but The Foundation does! It is evident Message Writer recognizes how hard it is: for this you are thanked.
Some criticize The Foundation for not doing more. This is understood. It is no secret that high profits were reaped from the industries that caused The Misfortune, including by many firms who provide The Foundation with its funding, but this is, as they say, neither here nor there. It is not The Foundation that left tens of thousands with no eyes or webbed legs or an extra nose. Given enough years, it is indeed the hope of The Foundation to cure all its wretched ones. The Foundation will need many, many years though, and asks The Fouled to remain patient.
It may bore you to hear so much that does not address the immediate concerns of Message Writer. “What good are your words,” it is asked, “when armless I cannot even open doors or guide straws into the juice boxes of my children?” The Foundation sympathizes with how difficult juice boxes can be. Do not despair: The Foundation will take Your Message into consideration before making its final decision. It pains The Foundation to make such difficult choices, but alas it must make them anyway. Perhaps this is what makes The Foundation different from Message Writer? Ha-ha: It is it not The Foundation’s position to speculate.
In future times maybe things could be different, maybe The Foundation would not have to say “no” to so many and “yes” to so few, maybe The Foundation could raise every Applicant like a favored son in its two thick arms (made thick by chopping wood and other such outdoorsness) and say, “yes you, yes beautiful you, I love you so you are loved.”
The Foundation must be going now. The Foundation will stay in touch.
